mtv vma 2012 winners and performances

The 2012 MTV Video Music Awards aired Thursday on MTV. Here’s a recap of the winners and performances. What did you miss during the pre-show? Well, Amber Rose and Wiz Khalifa announced they have a baby on the way. Other than that, it was pretty much standard VMA action: strange outfits and incoherent interview responses.

Now, your play-by-play of the ceremony, which was held in Los Angeles:

8 p.m. – Rihanna kicks off the show by performing “Cockiness,” followed by “We Found Love.” There are balloon-like objects in the air, possibly stolen from the DNC.

8:05 – Host Kevin Hart approaches the stage, posing as a presidential candidate while being escorted by little people in suits. His opening monologue has a theme: “If you make a mistake, so what?” His thoughts on the Chris Brown/Drake feud? “Nip it in the bud, guys. I’m tired of it.”

8:14 – Best Pop Video goes to One Direction for “What Makes You Beautiful.” They (slightly) break their Moonman trophy.

8:25 – Miley Cyrus’ hair completely baffles me.

8:26 – Pink sings “Blow Me (One Last Kiss).” She opens the performance with a few verses of “Get This Party Started,” which I appreciate. I’m not as keen on the aerial acts that somehow always appear in Pink’s performances. Or the giant dancing lips on the stage. But I like this song, so I’ll let it go.

8:30 – Best Male Video goes to Chris Brown for “Turn Up the Music.” Very short, non-controversial acceptance speech. Probably for the best.

8:38 – Frank Ocean performs “Thinkin’ Bout You.” As much as I love Frank Ocean, I kind of wish he changed things up and actually performed this:

8:51 – Best Hip Hip Video goes to Drake featuring Lil Wayne for “HYFR.” Drake dedicates the award to any kid who’s had to take “a long walk home by yourself.”

8:58 – OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. One Direction performs “One Thing” while surrounded by screaming girls. Gee, thanks for changing it up, guys.

9:02 – Best Female Video goes to Nicki Minaj for “Starships.” Perhaps this is a proper time to discuss Nicki’s outfit. It’s a lace bodysuit with red embellishments, accented by a police officer cap. Maybe not as glamorous as I just made it sound. Here’s a photo gallery of all the red carpet styles.

9:12 – 2 Chainz and Lil Wayne perform. The censors stay busy. Very busy.

9:25 – Green Day performs. Man, these guys must feel REALLY old tonight. Sorry, folks, I’m just not feeling the Green Day comeback. Confession: I switched to “Big Brother” during half of this performance.

9:34 – The “Twilight” cast presents an exclusive premiere of their new film. Well, this could be awkward. Oh, wait…Kristen Stewart is conveniently missing on stage. Watch the clip here.

9:36 – Best New Artist goes to One Direction.

9:46 – Alicia Keys performs her new song, “Girl on Fire.” The performance includes some rapping from Nicki Minaj and some random gymnastics from Gabby Douglas. Side note: Does anyone else think it’s a little weird that Alicia Keys’ baby is at the show?

9:56 – Video of the Year goes to Rihanna featuring Calvin Harris for “We Found Love.”

9:58 – Taylor Swift closes the show with her new song, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together.” It’s standard T-Swift. I wish the furry creatures on stage played a bigger role in this performance. It’s fun, but hardly edgy.

10:00 – We’re done! What did you think? I think the show could’ve used a little “oomph.”